Enemies of Liberty are ruthless. To own your Liberty, you'd better come harder than your enemies..

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I have now seen the likely causality of my death...

...and I am married to her.

For many of you who know me and my wife, you'll get the gist quickly: My wife and I went to dinner.  Wife had 2 margaritas.  At this point many of you are already going "ohhhhh shit...".

We get in the truck, into traffic and begin heading home, and all is well.  We hit a stop light, we are in the left-turn lane waiting for our green light.  Two lanes over, in the right turn lane, there is a car at the intersection waiting until it is safe for him to make his turn into traffic.  The expensive car behind him is driven by an asshat, who begins relentlessly honking his horn at the car that won't just dive into traffic.

Remember - 2 margaritas.  My wife has an opinion on the matter of asshats who honk in asshat fashion for asshat reasons.  My wife rolls down her window and shares that opinion - across 2 lanes of traffic.  If you were at the Idaho PatCon, you have some idea about how my lovely wife can sometimes share a strongly-held opinion.  Passionately is a good word.  Loudly works, too.  Lacking smiles and kindness can fit the bill at times.  Sincerity is without question.  So - she was sharing across several lanes from her now-open window.

Just then the car at the intersection - the one causing the asshat driver to honk because he won't carelessly turn into 50 mph traffic - turns on his red & blues.  He's an unmarked LEO - in civvies. 

That hit me and my wife right in our tickle-spots.

The moment the lights turn on H and I begin laughing with great abandon - because the asshat had been honking at a cop to the point that the cop got fed up - and I'll be the first to say he held his patience far longer than would have I.  So - LEO turns on his lights and gets out of his car to have a discussion about proper driving habits with the asshat behind him - when my wife decided to weigh-in once more, laughing at said asshat with language that made my tender sensibilities blush.

2 margaritas of full-bore H.

LEO now notices my wife, and decides the asshat behind him can wait for a moment - and he starts heading toward my wife's side of the truck.  As LEO gets a few feet from H's window, he decides it may be appropriate to put his hand on his weapon.  H explained in a very well-timed manner that she was cheering because asshat driver was an asshat driver.  I will not bother to explain my thoughts as his hand found his weapon with his attention on my wife - and fortunately he was quick to understand that she was supporting him in her own special H way.

"He was being really rude!" she informed LEO (and every driver in a quarter-mile radius) - as he had his hand on his weapon.

"Yes ma'am, but you're being a little excessive..." he said, and turned away to deal with asshat driver.

My light turned green and I did not hang around to learn what happened to asshat...

So when the day comes that you read my obit, some of you will rightfully wonder if margaritas and my bride were involved...

Stay safe, folks.


To the LEO involved: If you are a reader, no foul. 


  1. Anyone that knows you won't have to read the actual obit. Ray Charles can see how H will end it for you. Hi H! Yes, I said that...


  2. Cheers to H! Awesome!

  3. That has got to be the funniest thing I've read! My wife doesn't need alcohol to go full bore. ;)

  4. If you two are ever passing through SW Ohio, drinks are on me!

  5. Now that is funny, in retrospect. Even more so in finding Grandma has a soul sister...

  6. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, shot! Bawhahaha, gives new meaning to that toast, roflmao! Love ya Holls, ;-)
    Like I said, saint hood awarded to K, bawahahaha! Uh roh, there go my million friendship points...again....;-)


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